Parenthood is often portrayed as a joyous and fulfilling journey, but for many, it also brings unexpected feelings of loneliness and isolation. As this is Loneliness Awareness Week, it’s important to shine a light on this often unspoken aspect of parenting.
Loneliness is a feeling of disconnection, and of being alone. You may feel this way in a crowded room, when you’re with friends and family or when you’re on your own. It can come and go. Or it can stick around for a long time
When I had my first child, I had times when I felt incredibly lonely. My existing friends either didn’t have children or lived too far away for a quick chat over a coffee. It wasn’t until I started attending baby classes and making new friends that I began to feel connected again, but even then it was hard.
Loneliness is a perceived mismatch between the quality or quantity of social connections that a person has and what they would like to have.
www.lonelinessawarenessweek.org/loneliness-guide
The Hidden Struggles of Parenthood
Having a baby is a huge life-changing event. Even if you already have one, the second or third can turn your life upside down again. Hobbies and work often have to be put on hold, which can be challenging. The early days are particularly tough, but loneliness can strike at any stage of parenthood.
Sometimes loneliness can be triggered by a big event but sometimes it comes out of nowhere and seems to have no trigger at all. It is not unique to new parents. Your child can be any age when you feel isolated and alone with them.
The Unique Challenges of Single Parents
Single parents face additional hurdles. As a single parent you are at a significantly high risk of feeling lonely or isolated. Without a partner to share the strain or even just experiences and conversations, the feelings of isolation can be overwhelming. We all need to have someone that understands us and what we’re going through.
There have been many nights that at 3am I’ve been grateful for being able to share the screams, or the worry about what might be wrong. I’ve also had days where I’ve spoken to no one but my baby, until my husband comes home, at which point I word vomit uncontrollably at him before he’s even sat down, desperate to offload. Single parents, without this outlet or support, have an even harder job. Friends and family can go a long way, and for some will be enough. But for others it’s a lonely time, particularly in the early hours when calling someone feels like over stepping.
Types of Loneliness
Emotional Loneliness– this is when you feel that someone you have been close to, is no longer there. This could be a partner, friend or family member. It is common after a break up, bereavement or if you move away.
Social Loneliness– when you feel that your social network of friends or colleagues are not meeting your social needs. This could be that you feel you don’t have enough friends, or that the friends you have don’t understand you or the friendships anre only superficial. This makes you feel a lack of depth or quality in your social interaction.
Transient Loneliness– the feelings of loneliness comes and go.
Situational Loneliness– when loneliness is triggered by certain situations. It may be that you don’t feel you fit in or are being excluded or discriminated against. This leads to you feeling isolated and alone. It could also be triggered by celebrations such a being alone for Christmas or on a birthday.
Chronic Loneliness– you feel lonely all or most of the time. If left, this sort of chronic or long term loneliness can lead to mental health issues like anxiety and depression
Is Loneliness a Problem
It’s important to remember that loneliness is a normal and natural feeling. However if left unchecked, it can start to affect your mental and physical health. It’s also worth remembering that having a mental health condition can make you higher risk of feeling lonely and isolated.
If any of this sounds familiar to you, and you think you are feeling lonely, or you know someone that is feeling isolated, you need to do something about it.
Practical Steps to Combat Loneliness
- Stay Active: Engaging in physical activities like joining a post natal class. That way you can exercise, meet new people and take your little one with you. Some classes only allow babies up to crawling, others walking and others any age. As a foster and adoptive mother, I worried about joining a post natal class as I wasn’t post natal, but Ioved attending exercise classes before my daughter arrived. I found that the post natal classes were very welcoming and it didn’t matter that I hadn’t given birth. So if you’re in a similar situation go along and don’t stress about it. I think it’s harder for dads though, as I’ve never seen a dad at a post natal class, but that does’t mean you can’t join. Comment below if you are a dad or if you have seen dads in baby fitness classes. I can recommend Tough Mother London for mums or dads in the Wimbledon and Rayners Park area for fitness classes or personal training. Candice is great.
- Learn Something New: Enrolling in a class or workshop can provide a sense of purpose and the opportunity to meet others. Baby classes such as baby massage or sign language are a great way for you to learn a new skill while still entertaining your little one. Come and try Mini Signers if you’re in or around Wimbledon, Rayners Park or New Malden.
- Reach Out: Sometimes simply reaching out to friends, family, or neighbors can help alleviate feelings of loneliness.
Check out the NHS Wellbeing toolkit for more advice
Available Support in the UK
There are many resources available for parents struggling with loneliness. These range from government initiatives and non-profit organisations to online communities and local groups. Here’s an overview:
Government Initiatives
- Campaign to End Loneliness: Supported by the UK government, this campaign provides resources, research, and guidance on how to address loneliness in communities.
- Jo Cox Commission on Loneliness: This commission has led to various initiatives to combat loneliness, including appointing a Minister for Loneliness and funding local community projects.
Charities and Non-Profit ORGANISATIONS
- Mind: Provides support for those experiencing loneliness due to mental health issues through helplines, online forums, and local support groups.
- Samaritans: Offers emotional support to anyone in distress, including those feeling lonely, through their 24/7 helpline.
- British Red Cross: Runs a Community Connector service to help people reconnect with their communities.
Online Resources and Communities
- Meetup: A platform to find and create local groups for various interests, helping people meet others with similar hobbies.
- Nextdoor: A social networking service for neighborhoods, helping residents connect with their local community.
- Bumble BFF: A feature within the Bumble app designed to help people find friends rather than romantic partners.
Local Support Groups and Activities
- Community Centres and Libraries: Often host events, classes, and social gatherings where people can meet and connect.
- Faith and Religious Groups: Many churches, mosques, synagogues, and temples have social activities and support networks open to the community. You don’t have to be of that religion to attend the baby classes, most of the time the halls are hired out by groups.
- Baby class listings: Sites like Happity, Pebble, Club Hub list baby classes in your area. Whatever you fancy doing, there will be a class to suit you and your baby.
Professional Support
- Counselling and Therapy: Many therapists specialise in issues related to loneliness and can offer personalised support.
- GP and NHS Services: General practitioners can provide advice and referrals to local services or mental health professionals.
Digital Tools
- Friendship Apps: Apps like Peanut (for parents) or Friender help people find others looking for friendships.
- Virtual Events: Platforms like Eventbrite offer virtual events and webinars where people can meet others with shared interests.
These resources provide a variety of ways to seek support, whether through personal connections, professional help, or community involvement.
Raising Awareness and Fostering Kindness
By being aware of your own loneliness and understanding how common it is, you can take steps to address it. It’s also important to consider how others might be feeling. Simply asking someone how they’re doing and showing genuine interest can make a significant impact so don’t under estimate the power of it. We all need to be kinder to each other.
Conclusion
Loneliness in parenthood is more common than many realise, but with awareness and community support, it can be mitigated. Checking in on new parents and offering a helping hand can make a big difference. Let’s use this Loneliness Awareness Week to foster kindness and connection in our communities. After all, small acts of kindness can go a long way in making the journey of parenthood a little less lonely.
